Thursday, August 11, 2011

An explanation of a previous post, which also explains my lack of posting lately.

So, I guess there are people that read my blog. Or at least one person!  A few weeks ago, I posted a Wordless Wednesday post.  I did not leave any explanation as to why I chose that photo. Someone did comment, and from that I assume she is curious, and maybe someone else is too. So here is my explanation.   You can see the post by clicking here
On July 4th, a friend of mine passed away unexpectedly. She lived 3 doors down. I had been walking my dog at about 9:30 pm. I stopped and chatted with her for a minute, and she had said there was something she wanted to talk to me about, and asked if I had time to sit and have a tea with her. I told her that since my son was awake, and at home, with my daughter, I didn't really have time. I asked if she would be up for awhile, and told her that I was going to go home and bathe my son, get him into bed and come back when I was done. She said that she was a bit hungry so she was going to go grab a snack, and that she did want to talk, so I should just come back whenever I could. I told her that I would be back between 10:30 and 11:15. I told her not to bother making me a tea, I would bring a coffee, and she laughed at that because she has been offering me tea for almost 7 years, and I have never accepted, but always brought my own coffee.
I went home, bathed my son, got him settled down for the night and made my coffee. At about 10:35, I let my daughter and my other half know that I was headed over to her place because she wanted to talk to me. I walked out my door and saw 3 police cruisers, a firetruck, and 2 ambulances. I was thinking " what the heck is going on?" I saw a bunch of neighbours watching , talking, speculating or whatever I should call it - I'm not sure. Anyway, I thought it was weird, and proceeded to walk to my friend 's place. I still had no idea where all the "commotion" was since the emergency vehicles started at my place and went past her's. As I was walking over, her daughter called out to me and in that instant I knew something was wrong. I thought it was just a reaction to a new medication her doctor had prescribed a few days prior, so did her daughter. (it happened before, with one of her meds). Her daughter asked me to stay, and one of the police officers started asking both of us a couple of questions. A few minutes later her nephew came to me and said " I did everything I could, but I don't think it was enough." At this point I am still wondering what the heck happened. He told me that he walked into the living room and she looked like she was sleeping, but her mouth was open, he tried to wake her to tell her to go up to her bed, and she was unresponsive, so he grabbed her hand/wrist to try to wake her, and didn't feel a pulse. At that point he called 911 and started CPR, and continued until EMS arrived. About 15 minutes later, I overheard someone in the house say that they tried to intubate, but there was an obstruction. A few minutes later an officer came out, and just from the look on his face I knew it wasn't good. (They removed what they could, and tried to intubate again, but by then it was too late. Cause of death - choking.) The officer asked to talk to me for a minute, and broke the news to me first, so that I was already aware, and could help them with her daughter. I stayed as strong as I could for her sake.
I felt horrible. I felt like maybe if I had stayed and talked with her, rather than arranging to come back in a bit, it may not have happened. Maybe if I had gone over earlier, I could have helped her. I know her nephew did all he could, but maybe it would have been different if I was there. I would like to think that I would have done the Heimlich, he mentioned something that happened when he was doing CPR & the first thing that popped into my head immediately was- she needed the Heimlich (though of course, I didn't say that). ( I have worked in health care, and have had to do the Heimlich on a patient in the past). Anyway, I just feel guilty because I wasn't there for her. And, I will never know what she wanted to talk to me about. I miss her terribly. To be 100% honest, sometimes she was a real pain in my @$$, but I loved her. Funny thing about that is - she used to say to me, I know sometimes I am a pain in the @$$ , but you'd miss me if I wasn't around. ( she was thinking of moving- and I was too)  She was right. I really miss her.
Her funeral was nice, considering why we were there. I was holding up pretty well, until her brother mentioned me by name in a speech he made. At that point it really hit me. I have been having a hard time with it.   
Ok, so back to the photo. The picture is of my son walking my friend M's dog Mag. Mag was M's best friend.  Quite often when I had my son at the park to play, M would walk up there with the dog, and we would sit and chat while my son and the dog played together. My son used to like walking with M and her dog, and occasionally we would just go over and get the dog, and take her for a walk, since our 110 pound dog is too hard for my not yet 3 year old son to walk!   
Unfortunately, Mag HATES my dog.  She is quite mean to him.(yup, my 110 pound dog is scared of the 15 pound dog!).  For that reason, I was unable to take her into my home and care for her.  However, I found her a great home. She is still in the neighbourhood, and my son visits her daily, and walks her at least 3 times a week.  
Well, I better post this. I am getting teary-eyed again, and it's time for Mag's walk.  


Please feel free to rave, rant, or ramble!